Global Pandemic = Global Trauma
As a trauma therapist who’s been working in the field of mental health for 17 years, I have become very specialized in working with people who have experienced intense trauma in the past decade. At any given time, my caseload of clients is made up of varying people who have faced intense adversities in their lifetime, often during childhood and adolescence as those, unfortunately, carry lifelong negative effects.
I first heard about the novel Coronavirus when it hit the national news back in December. I remember thinking, “Oh not another respiratory virus” recalling SARS, MERS, SWINE, BIRD FLU, and the like of other Coronavirus cousins. I also recall finding it somewhat entertaining to see the video footage and pictures of people in Asia wearing masks in public… thinking to myself, how bizarre! I guess that’s what happens when cities are so densely populated, but that would NEVER happen here. So, I barely batted an eye at the news of this new COVID-19 virus outbreak back in December.
Shortly after seeing the blip on the news, my family experienced an unexpected loss. My uncle survived a massive heart attack on Christmas Day and came out of an emergency heart surgery his cardiac surgeon didn’t expect him to wake up from. He had a long way to go in recovery, after being put on a ventilator and cooling his body, he eventually awoke! He was weaned off the ventilator, heart support, and by New Years Day he was out of the ICU and placed on the medical floor. We were all feeling relieved and hopeful about the plans to go to a rehab hospital. Sadly, that plan was cancelled shortly after it was discussed due to respiratory distress and low Oxygen levels. I’ll spare you the details, but it didn’t take long for him to be sent back up to the ICU. Most importantly he was first diagnosed with pneumonia, then ARDS (which I had to google because I had no idea that was) then put back on a ventilator, his kidneys failed, ECMO started, and slowly his organs shut down. He ultimately did not recover from this respiratory problem, and we had to turn off the machines and say our goodbyes on January 21, 2020.
Fast Forward to late February, and we started to hear more and more about COVID-19. Words like ARDS, ECMO, shortness of breath, kidney failure and low oxygen levels were becoming increasingly common. This realization of the virus, which seemed so far away a couple months ago, was now in the U.S. But it was in Washington State and California where those who were infected were traced, leading me to believe that COVID-19 could be contained. I think I speak on behalf of most of us -- with the exceptions being scientists and doctors who saw the big picture -- when I say that we didn’t see a spread like this coming.
Sunday March 8th, the first COVID-19+ case was officially reported in my state of Indiana. The next day three additional people were reported positive and one was an elementary school student. Wow. They shut down the school for four weeks! I could not believe the school response! I started researching this virus more closely and trying to understand what we were facing. By Wednesday of that week the NBA, NCAA and local high schools all suspended or cancelled the remainder of the basketball seasons. Thursday, our governor granted 40 waiver days for schools to utilize in response to closing for the novel Coronavirus. I still naively thought this would be IF a school would be exposed.
Later that evening my friends in Indianapolis started texting me that their college students were not going back to campus for classes after spring break, all classes will be taught online and their children in public schools are also closed for the next four weeks. My head was SPINNING. I did not sleep much that night. I researched all things COVID-19, Telehealth and what we were up against. In the middle of the night while studying at the university of Google I realized how serious and contagious this virus really is. I became frustrated that our city hadn’t cancelled schools yet after a day-long meeting with superintendents, city and county officials.
Friday March 13th at 3:15pm while I was parked in the pick-up line at my daughters’ elementary school, I listened to the live news conference given by our city: starting today at 5pm all schools are closed until April 24th. At this moment I emotionally crashed despite being relieved they made the right call. Although I could not really let it all out because my kids would be jumping in the car in about 20 minutes. I felt my chest get heavy. I felt the warm tears stream down my face. I realized that my uncle probably died of COVID-19 back in January. I also realized that our life as we know it for the unforeseeable future is going to look very different. I cried for my kids missing the last months of school, I cried for fears of my parents becoming sick, I cried for who would take care of my kids if I became sick, I cried for our beloved spring break trip to Florida which is so much more than a spring break to our family, I cried out of fear, panic, sadness, and confusion, I cried because I had to figure out how to move my group practice to telehealth!
In a week’s time we went from no known cases in my state to schools and public events being completely shut down. I quickly took some deep breaths, used my EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) skills, and tapped some grounding statements in my brain: We will be okay. My kids jumped in the car excited to start the weekend and explained how bizarre it was that, for the FIRST time ever, they got to bring home their iPads from school! They had absolutely no idea what was going on (school eventually was cancelled for the remainder of the school year).
After spending the weekend researching all things telehealth and COVID-19 I decided my group counseling practice was moving from in- person to 100% teletherapy- which is much more complicated than one might think. At this point the stay at home order hadn’t been issued yet so some of my colleagues and staff looked at me like I was coo coo crazy. However, I had deeply researched what was going on, how the coronavirus was transmitted and what the risks were, and I knew on a very deep level what was coming. We had to stop face-to-face sessions as soon as possible. I realized a lot of people were going to contract it and many weren’t going to survive.
I could not wade into the shallow end of telehealth as I had hoped because honestly, it was not something I was ever interested in doing. I knew of colleagues that offered it, but I loved sitting in a room with someone. I gained so much information from body language, energy and holding space for someone. Teletherapy was great for some people but it was not my bag. Until… I had to walk to the edge of the cliff and literally jump off into the deep dark waters of telehealth below.
After deciding on all the minute details of teletherapy (like which platforms, how to collect payments, how to get forms to new clients, to work from home or at the office, how to use EMDR virtually, & what a backup plan would look like if the platform didn’t work) I pushed ahead supporting and prepping my staff.
My girls left the following weekend for their dad’s house, and the weight of what was happening across the globe hit me like a cement truck. Trauma on a global scale. We are all experiencing varying degrees of trauma simultaneously across the planet. I have been working on a non-profit idea about how to educate the community on trauma and bring awareness to trauma-informed care. Now, the entire planet is experiencing an unthinkable trauma that has brought life as we know it to a slamming halt. I took that weekend to be sad. To cry. To be afraid. I journaled, took a bath, took a walk, talked with close friends, and on Monday met with my own EMDR therapist (our last in-person session). When I allowed myself to experience all those negative emotions, the silver linings started to shine through. I realized as humans- we are ALL experiencing this TOGETHER. Life is slowing down, and although I’m worried for the people stuck at home in unsafe situations, and those who become ill, for most of us, hopefully, we have been given more quality time to spend with those we live with. I saw amazing acts of genuine compassion and empathy happen all over the world as people stepped up to help their neighbors. The medical workers, grocery store staff, first responders, truck drivers, school lunch staff, and all essential workers, including my mom who works at a local hospital registering sick people, walking bravely into battle—A battle unlike any we’ve ever seen.
When we experience a trauma, we feel out of control, we feel helpless, we feel afraid for our wellbeing or the wellbeing of those around us. We feel stuck, trapped and caught in harm’s way with no way out. We experience a great sense of loss and often feel untrusting of ourselves, of others and the people we love most. As a globe, we are all living through these feelings on various degrees and levels as we live through a global pandemic. As a recent social media post said so perfectly, “We are all in the same storm, BUT we are not all in the same boat.” I foresee some amazing positive things we can all learn through this traumatic experience we are living. HOPE. EMPATHY. COMPASSION. Above all else we need to hold on to hope. We need to choose kindness, help our neighbors, have compassion, and put our wellbeing and the wellbeing of our neighbors over greed.
When you are feeling out of control, overwhelmed and fearful, here are some things you can do to cope:
Focus on things you can control like washing your hands, and wearing a mask when you leave the house.
Cherish the quality time you are spending with your family (board games, puzzles, movie series, card games)
Schedule video chats with friends and extended family
Take deep belly breaths inhaling through your nose and exhale slowly out of your mouth (activate your vagal system- foreshadowing future blog post!)
Organize and purge around your house (I started with my Tupperware cabinet!)
Take walks outside and be mindful of nature around you (look, listen, smell & feel)
Taking a hot bath or extra-long shower
Color, sketch, paint, craft, CREATE!
Listen to your favorite music (there are many artists doing live & free concerts from home!)
Smile at a stranger. 😊
When you feel sad, overwhelmed and afraid give yourself permission to FEEL it. Cry. We have to ‘feel it to heal it and name it to tame it’ as we say in the mental health world. Name your feelings. Honor, feel and express them. When you stuff, avoid, ignore, and/or try to numb them away with alcohol and drugs they become so much more powerful and over time cause physical and emotional turmoil. Lastly, never be afraid to schedule a telehealth session with a licensed counselor. After all, I thought I hated telehealth… turns out, it’s actually not that bad. Hey, I see my EMDR therapist via telehealth too! We are all in this together!
